Dan brought so much joy and love to my life. I've struggled this week to express in words what he meant to me, but so many of our friends and families have done it perfectly. Thank you for sharing your memories and stories. I always want to believe in magic, so when I sliced this boiled egg on January 1, 2004, I took a photo of it because I just knew it was a sign that 2004 was going to be my lucky year for love. Two weeks later I met Dan, and it was.
Thanks to Scott for starting this blog so people can share photos or stories--or just listen to some of the songs Dan loved to sing. I listen to them everyday, and I'm so grateful I have Dan's voice to put me to sleep at night. We all know that music was a big part of his life and that's what I keep remembering. Yesterday I was getting his CDs out of his truck stereo, and it made me smile to see the motley crew of musicians he had just been listening to--Lucinda Williams, Hayes Carll, Doc Watson, Hank III, Stanley Brothers, and Metallica--because he always had to have a little rock with his roots music.
I'm taking the liberty of posting Erin's (Dan's great friend and high school prom date!) tribute she wrote--so many people who read it in the N&O commented that she captured Dan's spirit just right. Paige
ReplyDelete-----------
BIG DAN
Our best friend. You remember when you were just strong enough to tell people who you wanted to be but not to be who you are? Dan gave me the strength to be me. When we skipped school and made shrinky dinks, when we made Christmas cookies at my moms house – he always made them perfect. Mine were always uneven and cracked – even though my mom was a baker, and they would laugh at me with all my imperfections. Ever since then those pecan tarts have been my favorite. Funny, I went on to try to perfect my skill at school. He did not have to. He has always been perfect as he is.
The high school dance we were all too cool to go to but decided as a group of friends we would all meet so we could laugh at everyone else and have fun later. I would never had gone if not for Dan. I still have a photo of the guys later in their tie dye shirts they changed into as soon as possible. No expectations, no airs, it was just friends.
Dan, the one who we all flock around. He has the best hugs. A hug I have used my whole life to measure if someone is true. I never did keep touch as often I wished but somehow knew he was always there. Somehow, he still is.
Big Dan, driving us to school and waiting until the last renegade finally arrived before taking off to take us all home or to the lake or to some ones house to do what? Nothing. Just be. We never needed to be anything else. Just to be. Dan taught me that silence is a measure of trust, happiness, a way to release thoughts in the safety of a friend who does not ask. A way to think together and separately at the same time.
I could never put into words what Dan means to me and I never tried because I knew he already knew. He was a rare special person that I didn’t have to always tell. On the few occasions I did, he just said with his gentle way, I know, it’s cool. When my bird was sick, Dan drove me to have him put down. He held my hand as I cried and never did he question the strength of my tears for a tiny bird, instead he held me let me know it is okay to be sad. I know he would hold us all now and say the same.
Dan is a part of the fabric of our being. Strong, warm, soft, reliable. He wove his way into so many parts of our lives and that will always remain.
~
erin finnerty,
Oh Dan.
ReplyDeleteDan had one chair in our living room that was his when he was here. He seemed to be the only person that really suited that green recliner. Big and comforting. He sat there and took his time visiting with us every week, every time he was here, before the fellas pulled out the equipment and started picking. We’d discuss work and school and family and music and politics.. you name it. I always seemed to think that if I asked to turn on Family Guy (or basketball, etc.) that Dan would quickly kick back and forget the pick that night – but I didn’t want to take their time away from them. The second he sat down in his chair, our otherwise rambunctious cat Rubin would leap in to Dan’s lap faster than Dan could call for him. They sure were warm and friendly to each other. Dan was so good to our pets, and they loved him.
I’ve always said nice people are easy to love, but it’s more than that. You want to spend all your time around the gentler souls. We strive to surround ourselves with people we want to be like. Those people that love us for who we are. They comfort the soul and protect your feelings, which provides an inner peace. What a huge gift they give, unknowingly. I cherished Dan’s comforts, they made me feel safe and content whenever he was around.
The recordings are invaluable, and make me feel like you are here with us, Big Dan. I’ve been singing along to your voice in my head for so long now. But I am heartbroken. I miss you in my living room. I promise to protect your chair and keep it warm, and love your Rubin. But mostly, I’ll love your beautiful wife like I know you would want us to. Rest in Peace, brother. I love you.
Big Dan, you always made me feel safe, protected and happy. You never made me feel embarrassed even when I was prattling on about something incredibly boring or silly! Your dimples when you smiled warmed my heart! Even though Maya tried to hide it, she liked when you called out to her, "Hey best friend!"
ReplyDeleteI know you gave top priority to being with Paige and all your family and friends but also enjoyed being outdoors, singing and playing instruments around a campfire or fishing and flying kites at the beach. Zipping through the water on a boat or over the ground on a motorcycle gave you joy. And having those sweet dogs around always seemed to make you happy.
Some would say you enjoyed the simple things, but I think you really knew that those WERE the important things and that's how you lived and enjoyed life. You showed us your compassionate side and we have lost much with you gone. But we will always remember and love you forever.
PEACE, DAN
We love you - Alkesh, Susan and Maya